It is a straightforward three-step approach to counseling. This process is for when someone Idaho Youth Ranch comes to you with a concern or wants to discuss something. It's for "normal neurotics, like me and you", not for dealing with those suffering from serious psychiatric issues. It does not give advice (a common mistake for any kind of counseling). If you stick to this method, you'll not harm anyone and likely be doing a lot of good. Stage One: Listening Listening involves understanding the content as well as the emotions that accompany it. Cerebral understanding isn't enough. Don't make statements that determines the problem or other person's feelings; ask instead. Not, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". It's not, "The issue is . . ." Instead, "You think the problem is . . ." or "The method you think of it is . . . ". At this stage it may be enough to just say "uh-huh" or nod your head. The stage is over when the person begins to talk about the causes of the problem. You'll know that you've achieved success when you receive the agreement of what the issue is and the feelings behind it. Stage Two Stage Two: Exploratory Listening If the person who is talking to you feels heard they will move on to more in-depth discussions. In this moment, you are able to begin to ask questions. Asking if they have had this experience before. What they have attempted to do in similar situations and whether or not it worked If there are any other thoughts and emotions that are happening for them. You can, if you are able to clearly observe something provide observations about what you see. For example, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. Even here it is probably more appropriate to ask questions instead of making statements. The most important thing at this point is staying connected to their feelings at the depth they are experiencing them. If you can't do this, tell them Don't try to fake it. You could say, "Sorry, I can't manage this at the moment." They will appreciate this more than pretending (and they'll know for sure whether you're just playing). This stage ends when the problem is looked at differently and a different perspective is gained. Stage Three: Doing Different Things When they begin to see things differently, they can start to do things differently or at least plan to. The temptation for anyone who arrives at you with a concern is to try and jump to this point quickly. This is a mistake. What is needed is the moment to examine what's going on and to see it from a different perspective. At this point, you are able to suggest what been successful for you. Do not get caught up in playing "Yes But . . . ". If they give reasons the reason why your suggestions don't work Do not be a defender. Instead, ask what they've tried, why it did not work, and how they could try differently this time. You might want to make arrangements the possibility of them checking in with you so that they can monitor the progress they make with their new approach to doing things. This phase is over when they attempt to demonstrate the new behaviour with you or when they have a plan of the new behaviour they want to try with others. The process is largely about listening. The other person will always know more about their situation than you do. Do not give advice on what they should do. In the third stage you could want to discuss what you have learned from your experience in the event that you've dealt with a similar issue yourself. With some practice, you'll become quite proficient very quickly in this area. You could end up becoming the person people turn to for advice'. As long as you do follow this method, and don't offer advice, you'll be doing much good and help many others.
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